Relationship experts and marriage councelors state that the three most common fights couple have are about money, family and attention. We think we are the only ones, but we are not alone. We just rarely see these arguments in public.
Everyone looks perfect, with no complaints before you look beneath the surface. When asked, “do you ever argue?” They reply “we never argue”
This is just not true. We argue over 2,455 times a year. That’s around 7 times per day.
So what’s the secret to a happy relationship?
It’s not about holiday cruises, romantic walks or plans for the future. It’s not even about cards or gifts with hearts and pics, views from rooftops or fancy dinner at a new spot.
The secret to being a happy couple is not how you fly together but how you fight together.
The study of more than 1000 adults found that when couples know how to argue, they are 10 times more likely to stay together.
The biggest mistake we make is avoidance. We feel something, but say nothing. We tend to avoid these conversations because we’re concious of the risks of speaking up but unconcious of the risk of not speaking up.
The success of a relationship is determined by the way in which sensitive issues are discussed. When we share something reflective our partner often gets defensive and corrective and then we stand offended.
First know that conflict and disagreement are part of any good relationship. Often we take things completely out of proportion not recognizing we have to live a large portion of our life with that person. Don’t say anything that you will regret later just because it looks good on paper.
In other words, relationships are worth fighting for but you must fight together because you can’t be the only one fighting. All relationships go through hell but the best ones they grow through it.
A strong relationship requires us to love each other, even in the moments that we don’t like each other.
Don’t worry when you fight, it’s when you stop it means there’s nothing left for you to keep fighting for. None of us should stay in relationships when we are fighting all the time, but we can learn to change how we fight.
Soften your judgement. Speak how you like to be spoken to. Affirm before you complain. Let your partner know you care. Approach the situation with compassion. Focus on facts. Initiate the dialogue. Stay open minded. And remember when you are fighting, the real fight is both of you against the problem not both of you against each other.
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